Now I know all parents think their kids are geniuses, but sometimes my Trouble astonishes me. His conviction about ideas and concepts, I never remember being that sure of myself as a kid. I may be an atheist, but Trouble is not. He believes firmly in God, heaven and hell. When my grandmother passed away last year I spent time considering how I would explain this to him, but I needn't have worried, he didn't need anything explained to him.
Our exchange went something like this.
Me: Mooma passed away yesterday. She was very sick and her body was old and she died.
Trouble: So, she's in heaven now?
Me: Well, some people believe that. Mommy doesn't, but alot of people do. And if that's what you believe then that's okay.
Trouble: Yes, Mooma's in heaven and she'll be very happy there with the angels and I think she can see me.
Me: Yes, I'm sure if there's a heaven then Mooma's there and I know she'll be watching over you.
Now, this only goes to prove how strongly entrenched in Christianity our culture is. I know some of this comes from my mother-in-law, but I think a good deal of it also comes from television, school and other kids. He hasn't learned this from me. Really, my reaction was that this went pretty well. He gets to have the rosy-colored heaven and I didn't have to compromise my beliefs and lie to give it to him.
Fast forward almost a year. My husband went to a wake a week ago. I explained this to Trouble when he asked where his dad was at dinner and we had the following terrifying conversation.
Trouble: So, the people at the wake, they'll be sad that she's dead?
Me: Yes, people can be very sad when someone they love dies. We miss them alot.
Trouble: Well, if they're sad then they should just kill themselves and they can go to heaven too. Then they'll be with her again.
Me: No!!! No one should ever kill themself. Remember, mommy doesn't believe in heaven. Mommy believes that when you're dead, that's it, you're dead. And the people who believe in heaven think that you can't go to heaven if you kill yourself because killing yourself is a bad thing to do and they won't let you in.
Trouble: Oh, okay.
I couldn't believe he took the idea of heaven that far. I understand his logic though. I mean, it makes sense doesn't it? If someone you love dies and goes to this wonderful, happy place in the sky, why not go with them? I couldn't believe heaven lead to this scary conversation about suicide with my six year-old. It's just one of the many conversations I've had with him that I was not prepared to have.
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