The Faith Struggle

Bookgirl sent me a copy of The Faith Club which I am finding fascinating and enlightening. It's written by three women - A Muslim, A Christian and A Jew. This is according to the title of the book, not really the way I'd put it myself, since they are all technically Christian and the "Christian" is Episcopalian. These three women originally come together to write a spiritual children's book, wanting to help children understand the commonalities in different religions. But quickly the children's book falls to the way-side as the women find they must confront the differences in their religions before they can find the similarities. While the discussions can become heated, and feelings are often hurt, the women continue their meetings which are serving an important spiritual need for each of them. The women are open, honest, intelligent and compassionate and truly want to understand and respect each other's faiths.

It is truly encouraging to me to see people of different religions coming together and searching for spiritual guidance from one another. One of the biggest problems I have with organized religions is the way they label and separate us. By belonging to one religion, you are automatically taking a stance - you believe this is the right religion, therefore everyone who is not the same religion as you is wrong. As an atheist, this is also true. And while a congregation is taught to come together and to value community, what community are they actually talking about? Your church and spiritual community, your neighbors, or do they mean something larger? Because this world would be a much happier and less violent place if we could just accept people from different faiths, without feeling the need to convert, save or annihilate them.

There are aspects of all of these women that I relate strongly to. My first and most immediate connection is to Suzanne, who is Jewish. I relate to her because she struggles with her faith. She is not so sure there is a God. It is very interesting to me that while she has this crisis of faith and even if she were to come out of this struggle an atheist, she would still be Jewish. I don't really think this could be said about someone of another faith. Judaism is different in that respect because it is not just about religion or going to church, it is culturally and biologically who you are.

I think most of us go through a religious struggle during our lives. Of course, there are some that don't. Some people just don't go to church and don't really spend time thinking about religion in any kind of depth. Others are born into a religion, accept that religion and that's the end of it. But it seems most of us go through the struggle at some point. Some struggle and change religions, some struggle and stay with their religion, and for some that struggle is constant. For me, that struggle happened at about fifteen. It happened pretty early probably partly because of personality, I'm not hot-wired to accept something just because someone told me to. Especially, not a funny-looking man who enjoys listening to himself talk way too much and wears a robe to work. Especially not him, and especially not my parents. But what truly caused my soul searching is what causes it for many of us - tragedy.

The ages of thirteen through fifteen were a very emotional and difficult time in my life, and not because of all the adolescent, coming-of-age drama we all go through. My grandfather died suddenly in his sleep due to heart failure, he'd had a triple by-pass a few years earlier but he'd been doing fine. He went to work, came home, went to bed and never got up. It was probably a blessing for him, but it wasn't easy for the rest of us. And both of my great-grandparents died slow, messy, deaths from cancer. I helped change the bandages when my great-grandmother got shingles. I watched them both lose their lucidity. My great-grandmother started talking to people who'd been dead for years. Once my great-grandmother passed, my great-aunt convinced my great-grandfather that my grandmother and my mother were after his money. In reality, what money? But he was a mean, paranoid man, who was losing his mind to age and the disease. We didn't see him at all in the few months prior to his death. The house still went to my grandmother. I know my great-aunt tried to get her hands on it, but since my great-grandfather was actually my step-great-grandfather, the house had been in my great-grandmother's name, and passed as she had requested to my grandmother. My great-grandmother had been widowed rather early in life after having her children. She managed to raise her kids and start her own sewing business with her brother during the Great Depression.

I still remember walking into that house after the funeral. It was empty - not a piece of furniture, not a plate, not a photo album. My great-aunt couldn't get the house, but she took everything in it. I couldn't believe a person could be so cold and cruel. As far as I know, she didn't have any motivation to behave this way. This was a woman I spent holidays with, who was family. I had sat on her lap. And what was most infuriating to me, was a woman in high esteem at our church. Her son, my second cousin, was the organist. She was there every Sunday and was supposedly this wonderful, humble, Christian woman. In contrast, my grandmother did not attend a church. She was a school teacher and volunteered much of her time to a thrift shop located at another church in the area, but she never went to church and never discussed religion. I've never really thought about it this way before, but given a choice - which woman's foot steps would you follow in? I really should follow my grandmother's example and start doing more volunteering.

I wondered through all the death and suffering, seeing my great-aunt at church and watching her turn the other way, where was God in all this? How could a woman so mean, petty, material and vindictive, be seen as a good Christian woman? Why did people assume that going to church meant you were a good, moral person? It just all seemed so hypercritical. So this was just the perfect timing for me to begin my confirmation classes.

At this point, our pastor had left and been replaced with a woman. She was a wonderful woman and was patient through all my questions over the year (normally it takes two years of classes, but somehow my mother convinced them to let me in late). It was encouraging to me to make my confirmation under a woman. It is one thing to know your religion allows female pastors, it is another thing altogether to have a female pastor at your church. But it was not enough to convince me in the existence of God or to want to be part of a church community. When I finally stood in front of the congregation and made my confirmation, my struggle was over.

Comments

[Polly Poppins]

Beautiful post, Diosa. Beautiful.

[Bookgirl]

I used to get so frustrated about my struggles. I feel like weight loss and mental health and relationships are just so freaking hard for me, when they seem to come so easily to so many other people. But then I had a long talk about faith with one of our friends, and I realized that while that is effortless for me, it's such a struggle for other people. It made me feel so much better, because it reminded me that other people's struggles aren't easier, just different.

[Diosa]

We all have those things we struggle with, no doubt. I don't think anyone has it all under control, and if they think they do, chances are they're a breath away from a nervous breakdown.

[bitsy parker]

Wow! big story - good review with an added bonus. Loved it.

[Liz]

Diosa - I loved this post. And I love Bookgirl's comment. Your right, bookgirl, hearing other peoples struggles helps us remember that it's all just different strokes for different folks. Which is why I like Diosas post so much, I'm happy to hear why your an athiest, or at least partly why. Not happy for the reasons, but happy for the knowledge.

[Diosa]

I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with my views, but I believe it's important that we can be honest about who we are. And I do my best when to remind myself to keep an open mind, to know that when it comes to religion, there is no right or wrong. It's the issue of morality and good works that are much more important.