Polly, What You Won't Miss

Polly, is understandably a bit jittery about her looming surgery on Friday. Now Polly and I have discussed the drawbacks and advantages of this surgery to death, seeing that I already had a breast reduction two years ago. One of the best things I ever did for myself. It's not like I've never had a headache or sore shoulders since the surgery, but it is worlds better. While I still struggle with back pain, it's no longer exascerbated by the weight dragging me forward. The pregnancies resulted in three rotated discs and an exaggerated curvature of the spine. I spent the last two trimesters of my second pregnancy and several months afterward in physical therapy. I will always have to be careful when lifting and bending, make sure I stretch and exercise properly, and I still see a physical therapist/accupuncturist once a month. I've tried giving that up, but it doesn't seem to be an option. Anyway, Polly, you're going to feel a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders, literally.

And just to remind you of why you're putting yourself through all this, here are some things you won't miss about being overly endowed.

1. The feat of finding a bathing suit that actually fits.
2. Spending a fortune for bras that are not even all that pretty.
3. Wearing two sports bras while you exercise.
4. The gaping buttons of your blouse that making wearing one practically impossible.
5. The deep rivets in your shoulders at the end of the day, despite the expensive bra.
6. The former elusiveness of spaghetti straps or strapless tops and dresses.
7. That pain between your shoulder blades that you know feels precisely like someone has stabbed a knife back there, even though you've never actually experienced what if feels like to be stabbed.
8. Having to be extremely careful when getting dressed up for a night on the town, not to look like a porn star.
9. The daily curse that is gravity on overly large objects.
10. Having to wear a bra to bed (Which is something I never actually did, but most big-breasted women do. Though I couldn't so much as make breakfast without needing to put one on.)
11. The sweat and itchiness of tender, irritated skin in the summer heat.
12. Complete strangers who think that it is their right to stare at your chest, like you're not even there.
13. The horror of realizing the top that looked sexy-but-not-too-revealing when you put it on at home, has taken on a whole other look once your breasts have had their way with it for a few hours.
14. The almost laughable quality most lingerie takes on when you try to squeeze your boobs into it.
15. The way a demi-bra basically disappears once you've put it on.
16. The end of an 18 hour day when you can't possibly get comfortable, and can't decide which is the lesser of the two evils - to take the bra off or leave it on.
17. The absolute necessity of underwire. (I remember when I was nursing, it was recommended that you not wear underwire bras. They do actually make them, thank goodness, because that would have been a deal breaker for me.)
18. The way the underwire always pops out of the seam and stabs you in the armpit after a few months.
19. The highly deluded women who are jealous of what you consider a jail sentence.
20. Being constantly referred to in the male world as, "You know, the one with the big boobs."

So Polly, every time you start to get nervous, think about all the things you won't be missing. Good Luck! Here's wishing you a quick and almost painless recovery.

Comments

[Polly Poppins]

Okay, well, there go all of my delusions that I've used a healthy dose of restraint in haranguing you with questions. For the record, I tried, I really tried.

Thanks for the list, I totally love it. And this time tomorrow I will be on your side of the fence.

[Diosa]

Polly, you did not harangue me with questions. Well maybe just a bit, but that's what friends are for, right? And Blackstone got a real kick out of the nipple conversation.

[Liz]

Whats funny about your list is that I have all of those same things happen to me and I have nowhere near the size breasts that Polly has listed as her "before" in the sidebar on her blog (34 F or something) I'm more of a C and D depending on the bra - but man do I have the back/ shoulder pain, the bad luck with ugly bras, bathing suits and anything without a turtle neck. Not to mention the posture issue.

I also have noticed that my breasts seem considerably smaller since I had the baby - but that doesn't seem normal, either. Maybe its too personal to ask but how big were you before your reduction?

[Diosa]

Liz - I have no modesty what-so-ever. I was about a 36 F, but also very lopsided, so probably a little more than that on one side and at least a cup or two smaller on the other. It's not only the reduction that helps with the pain and posture, it's also the lift. I would say if you want one, then try to save up for one. Mine was actually covered by my insurance. They have specifications for removing so many cc's in order to cover. I was actually a little less than what they specify, but it's also based on height, so my short stature paid off in this instance. The surgeon sent in pictures to the insurance company and my specs to see if they'd cover and they approved. Of course, I also had a long history of chiropractic and PT coverage to back that up.

[liz]

I'm pretty lopsided as well, maybe that, more than size,is where my problem lies... I would say by one cup size. Ugh. I have looked into my insurance paying for it (about two years ago and they were a bit larger then, surprisingly) and my Dr seemed to think that wasn't likely in my case.