What's Your Sign?

I finished Embracing Your Big Fat Ass last night and the end of the book has a chapter on astrology. Basically it's a tongue-and-cheek explanation of how your zodiac sign plays into the size of your ass. Now, I don't put a great deal of stock into astrology to begin with, and obviously this book is meant for fun. It is about some serious issues, mind you. Health, fitness, obesity, eating disorders - these topics are no joke. However, if you can't have some sense of humor about the size of your ass, learn to accept it and that there is definitely more to life than obsessing about it, well, then I guess your either a skinny little bitch or stuffing some very uncomfortable feelings.

I'm a Scorpio born on the cusp of Sagittarius, because I was born on the last day of Scorpio. This is the extent of my knowledge on the subject. I have no idea if the sun was rising when I was born or what happens when Mars enters my horizon or whatever. I don't really care. Scorpio is the sex sign. It governs the reproductive system and sexual organs. (I suppose it's not like this is entirely at odds with me.) So, every horoscope or explanation of my sign always relates to sex. According to Embracing Your Big Fat Ass, Scorpios are much more interested in sex and sensual pleasure than with food. I'm not exactly sure my ass supports their theory. It would honestly depend on my mood at the given time, whether I would choose food over sex, and also upon what food we're talking about. I couldn't have both at once. That's just messy. One of those things much better left to porn and fantasy than reality. But I'm sure any astrologer worth their salt would tell you that not being entirely driven by sex has something to do with me carrying some Sagittarius traits because I'm born on the cusp, or that Venus was in the wrong place for me at that moment. I bet it had a lot more to do with how much sleep I got the night before, how much of a pain of the ass my kids were that day, and whether the amount of stress I was managing at the given time was a slow trickle or a deluge.

The book's explanation of Scorpio women describes us a she-devils, more interested in kissing than appetizers and sex than entrees, the type of woman who devours her man. Last time I checked I hadn't bitten off my husband's head praying-mantis-style after copulating, but that must be the Sagittarius in me.

I have to admit though, there are those aspects of astrology that make you wonder if there's isn't a little something to it. Blackstone's a Pisces, and we're a zodialogical match made in heaven. And the physical description on Wikipedia, "In appearance Scorpio is well proportioned, strong in body, muscular, slender, with a broad face and a commanding look. Their eyes are their strong point. Their gaze is often considered "hypnotic, piercing, and imperial"," I suppose that fits except for the slender part. Why does everyone seem to think I'm not interested in food? And the qualities, "Scorpio is considered highly passionate, imaginative, determined, persevering, inflexible and self-confident," yes, I would definitely use all of these words to describe myself. I'm also supposed to be fiercely loyal and deeply committed to relationships of all kinds, that fits too.

According to Wikipedia:

Likes: activity, mysteries, secrets, sex, winning, being acknowledged, strategy

Dislikes: being analyzed, being asked personal questions, people who know more than they do, too many compliments, having to trust a stranger

Suitable Occupations: Anything involving deep analysis, investigation, research or the solving of mysteries, such as detective, scientist, researcher, market analyst

Yes, in fact, most of that fits. Except I'm not really into secrets. And who doesn't like winning and being acknowledged? The suitable occupations is eerily correct though. They do everything but list programmer. Perhaps I should have consulted an astrologer or had my tea leaves read before getting a degree in education.

I love this associated trait, "calm but seething," oh, that is sooo me.

Comments

[Liz]

Ok, you totally got me. I'm bad about reading because I'm always so opinionated about what you write that I need time to formulate a big long comment. (you always write something, you never write nothing - you know what I mean?) So I try to wait for when I can sit down at night after work and take the time to really read and really comment.

I usually catch your new posts on my google reader at work and then find myself needing more time to concentrate on what your saying - and then I want to go and look shit up, then come back and reply. Like back when you talked about taking the boys to the doctor - well I had to go and look up that type of doctor and then find one in my area and then I had a list of questions for you and blah blah blah. Problem is, I haven't checked that off my to-do list yet.

I'm embarrased. And reading every post tonight - warn your comments, here I come!!

[Diosa]

Liz - I didn't realize I made commenting on my blog that strenuous. I really don't need a well drafted essay or anything. Glad I get you thinking, but maybe I need more posts about my ass to lighten things up.

[Liz]

Ha, it's not you - its me, I can't help it. I just like your topics and prefer to have coherent comments.

And yes, I'd like to request more posts about your ass, please. (Just until I get caught up, I mean)

Now for serious - I hope all is going well with you and your family. Can't wait to catch up.

[June]

Wow I am a full up Scorpian and proud of it I couldn't be anything else. You are right its the mood I am in sex or food or both but most not together lol. People totally like back away from Scorpios, for what reason I have no idea, we have a tail but hey don't get us that pissed and its all fine. It takes a lot to get us that pissed. We have to analyze it other wise I would no longer be married to my Scorpio husband! We make the best friends and appreciate when a friend cooks for us, oh yeah.
I am now getting my list up for shopping to impress myself with my cooking talents, so I ride the cart in the store and stock up on supplies.
And Yes more comedy ass post please, Humor best medicine.

[Diosa]

June - Welcome. I agree, Scorpio is a great sign and I couldn't imagine being something else. I'll see what I can do as to more comedic posts about my ass.

[Navnita Naidu]

Hi there!

I am a scorpio-sag, 19th, and I came across your article late at night and with a heavy mind.

Your article made me feel "normal" for the way I am and it lifted my soul in many ways.

I love an article that is brutally real, sparks the bulb in my mind and of course witty and funny.

Thanks I can go to bed now.

:)

[Diosa]

Navnita - Always nice to hear from new comers. So glad you enjoyed my post. Come back and visit any time.

[zodiaclove]

Hello
I do not agree with what you said really....
please explain further a bit more for me ;D


cheers

[abqfk]

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[seoelite]

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[generic]

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[1267873772]

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