Is there anything more romantic than star-crossed lovers? Apparently, not. As much as it does make a great love story, it's always bothered me too. Why do Romeo and Juliet have to die for it to be the greatest love story of all time? *Sigh* I know why. Because reading about their forbidden love fading from hot, sizzling tension and controversy to a slow-cooker, long term marriage just isn't that sexy. It's why I've never been a great fan of the genre of romance. It's almost always the beginning of the love story, because that's the most exciting part. It also the shortest part if you're lucky and you find a romance that lasts. Even The Notebook, which I loved and is about a romance that lasted a lifetime, is still mostly the story of the complicated beginning of love, fraught with parental disapproval and rivaling suitors.
Despite the fact that the Twilight series is about new and forbidden love, I still love it. Just as I love Romeo and Juliet. Young, forbidden love has to be done well to keep my interest, because it's been done before and will be done again. It only makes sense, really. When you fall in love for the first time (for me, the only time, hopefully) - it's something you never forget. It doesn't trouble me at all that Bella finds herself in love with a vampire or discovers that her best friend is a werewolf. I think I prefer my fiction way out there, because at that point I tend to stop trying to make things make sense and just accept the story. I find it much harder to accept that two men are so in love with her. Does that ever happen in real life? I can accept all the stupidity - believing all too easily that Edward simply doesn't want her all of the sudden, thinking that Jacob can just be her friend. Teenagers are stupid. But I've never known a girl or woman to have two men so intensely in love with her. Am I wrong or just sheltered? It makes a great story, a great fantasy, but I've yet to see it happen.
So Polly, the seemingly endless adolescent tension reminds you of me and Blackstone does it? It's not just me over-identifying with Bella, then. I'll indulge you.Those months of waiting seemed like years, I swear, and I really couldn't think of anything else, and it was all leading up to high school graduation. Am I confusing myself with Bella again? Oh right, in my story there are no vampires, werewolves or competing suitors.
I'd never dated anyone like Blackstone before. I'd never met anyone like him before. I didn't really think that a person so genuinely kind, trusting and innocent existed in the world. Certainly not in the form of a seventeen-year-old boy. I utterly corrupted him. Had we known more about each other before we started dating, we would have run in opposing directions from each other. As it was, before we knew how much we had to disagree about, actually truly disliked about one another, we were completely gone for each other. And he had all of the characteristics I find completely seductive - tall and handsome (in that gawky teenage way at the time), musical, passionate, intelligent, great sense of humor, well-read and a good writer. I also found that despite how sweet he could be, he was completely willing to stand up to me when I asked for it. Being with him put me completely off my footing. I was accustomed to fighting off guys who seemed to have sprung more arms that genetically possible. What made me even more uncomfortable were the mooney-eyed boys who professed their love while I tried not to visibly cringe. I preferred the kind with tentacles. Blackstone was neither of those, and it proved quite an aphrodisiac. We dated a month or more without ever quantifying our relationship. It was already the longest I'd ever dated anyone. I usually lost interest before the second date, and once I'd lost interest I really didn't see the point. I'd rather not go out than spend the night with someone who bored me.
Within the span of weeks, I was ready to lose my virginity to him. I really didn't know why I'd held on to it that long. I suppose I could get all mushy and say I was waiting for the right person, that I wanted it to be special. Back then I wanted it to be fast and with someone I never had to see again. I knew the first time wasn't cut out to be all that pleasant. But maybe I had been lying to myself, I think that subconsciously I'm way more romantic than I want to know about. After two months of kissing and parking, I was about ready to jump out of my skin. I started wondering if he was saving himself for marriage or something. The reality was that he was too gentlemanly and afraid of scaring me off, and I had no idea how to be the aggressor other than shamelessly throwing myself at him which was getting me nowhere but hot and bothered. You can see how I identify with Bella just way too easily.
Anyway, Polly and Bookgirl got to witness all this first hand. And when I say I was about ready to impale myself on a fence post, I think they'd agree that's not much of an exaggeration. I would guess it would be at about the six week point, yes, we went out for Polly's birthday, right? Me, Polly, and another of our best friends, lets call her Necie. I didn't need any illustration of how sexually frustrated I was by then, but I wasn't aware that it was physically apparent in my behavior. I'm still not sure I believe Polly that people were actually staring at me. Necie never really confirmed or denied Polly's observation, from my recollection, but she's much more modest than we are. According to Polly, the way I was eating cheesecake was completely indecent and making a scene. If that's the truth, I was completely oblivious. I'm sure my mind was on something other than cheesecake, though. My sexual frustration was only irritated to a further frenzy when Polly and her new boyfriend (the one I introduced her to the night we went out for her birthday and she later married and divorced) started getting busy before we did.
In the end, it took me three months to get up the courage to just be vocally direct and ask him to make love to me. I considered using words much more vulgar than that, but I'm not sure he could have handled it at the time. I never really saw love and sex being related back then, truthfully I had thought love was completely a fictional notion to begin with, but surprisingly the two came hand in hand for me. All that waiting made for some good memories. I don't regret it, but boy do I feel Bella's torture. And I totally get the role reversal. It's amazingly painful when you're boyfriend has your best interests at heart but is mostly succeeding in driving you insane. I have no idea how people wait until they're married to have sex, not unless they marry in their teens. I also don't believe how I could possibly hit a sexual peak in my forties that was more intense than in my late teens.
I can also relate to Bella's despair in losing Edward, though what I went through was nothing as severe. Since we started dating at the end of our senior year, we had eight months of bliss before college. He was only two hours away, but when he left I had no idea when the next time I was going to see him again would be. And me, being the entirely practical person I am, expected him to be like any other college guy and forget all about me the moment he was surrounded by all the very close and available girls on campus. I mean, how many couples survive a four year long-distance relationship through college? Especially, one that ends up being five-and-half years while he goes to grad school. Compound that with the fact that almost every friend I had except two left the state at the same time and I got to stay behind - and I was a mess. I loved him, but I never expected we'd make it. The odds were over-whelmingly against us. But to my utter delight and surprise, his parents let him keep one of their cars so he could drive home on the weekends, and we spent almost every weekend together, at least the parts of it when I wasn't working.
Oh, and lets not leave out the part where my mother hated Blackstone. She actually thought he was a bad influence on me. Unlike Bella, I was a very good liar. They manage to tolerate each other now, not much unlike Charlie and Edward.
And now that I've been way too open and entirely too honest, I wonder what Blackstone will have to say about it. Of course, enough of our friends lived through it with us that it's no big secret. I'll have a while to wait to find out though, he's only made it up to May in my blog entries. How long do you think it will take him to catch up? Three months, give or take? Maybe I should go look for a nice fence post while I'm waiting.