Time to blog has been issue for me lately. An issue I can contribute to many things: the job change last year, my kids, my husband's crazy work schedule, Weeds, True Blood. One does need the time to screw off now and then. Honestly, after an eight hour day, karate, baseball or what-have-you, dinner, homework, maybe baths, story time (each boy separately), I can barely string a coherent thought together, let alone a blog post.
But there's another reason, too. My mind is consumed with too many problems I'd rather not write about. Well, the programming database stuff for one, which I'm sure you'd all rather I just left out altogether. But often it's those problems I'm working on at work that are consuming any brain resources that are left. It's always a struggle to get my hours in and when I do, I'm always trying to get a little over time. Though there is the possibility I may be getting salaried, which I have mixed feelings about. I'm nervous about the rest of this year and next. What it will mean for my husband's business and our incomes. I want the professionalism and consistency of the salary, but I'm nervous about losing the OT. Which leads into what is mostly clogging my brain, and that's worry over money.
If I could only rest assured that the companies and individuals that owe my husband money would pay their bills, then maybe I could relax a little bit. But when you see formerly solid and solvent companies laying off their staff and not paying their bills, it makes it difficult to think about anything else. We've made it halfway through 2009, and so far so good. On the one hand I'm counting my lucky stars, on the other I'm noticing there are fewer stars than I'm comfortable with. All the financial forecasts seem to be pointing towards a start in the upswing of the economy starting at some point next year. All we have to do is get through another six months or so, and we'll have managed to weather the storm, right? Except I don't necessarily believe them. What else are they going to say? Even if it's true that we still haven't seen the bottom of the hole yet, you can't tell the general public that. It will cause panic and make everything even worse.
I think a lot of it hinges on health care and whether they can get a bill passed. Health care is bankrupting us. I've never had to put my medical bills on payment plans before this year. But a sinus ultrasound and endoscopy that hit our $4,000 deductible kind of threw me for a loop. Again, I'm lucky. My company picked up half of it. It was still $2,000 I wasn't prepared to pay right after switching jobs and thus health insurance. And changing the job wasn't really an option. Not that there hasn't been some good come of it. The new job is good. My old company was bought out a month ago. Another small business gone under in 2009. It had survived the tech burst years back, but unfortunately not this recession. The recession that I'm sure they'll tell us next year was actually a depression.
Once we get through the summer, though, our child care costs will decrease, so that will be a relief. Thank goodness for full day kindergarten finally being made official for next year. Not early enough for me to send the kids to camp for the summer, but better than not happening at all. I can't lay the nanny off for the summer and expect her to come back in September.
These are the thoughts that are so frequently clogging my brain lately. Thoughts that don't keep me up at night yet, because I'm much too exhausted to worry at that point. But thoughts that are none too productive for my writing and creativity. Somehow I find the stress stifling lately.
I googled "joke of the day" so that I could write something that would make you laugh a little to relieve the stress. Nothing was funny...sorry that sucks. Stress sucks too. Try to breathe and remember you have good friends and family around you!
Posted by: Curls | June 24, 2009 at 09:19 PM